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burloncole
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Name: Cole
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Tyler
Birthday: 7/23/1983
Gender: Male
Interests: guitar, reading, good movies, good friends, good music
Expertise: I am pretty good at putting my foot in my mouth if that counts
Occupation: Student
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/27/2005
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| Its been so long since I have been here and I have missed it. There is something nice about expressing yourself... I guess that is why blogsites are so popular. We all want to be heard. and we all need to speak sometimes. So, sorry xanga for being gone for so long. This summer bridged the gap between two cliffs with land so opposite from one another that its hard to believe that anything connects them. And so now as I leave the one side and enter the other I ache at the pains of beginning life in the "real world." Full-time job; five days a week; full-time bills; facing the fears of facing the world alone - for we all must fight our own battles and with or withour people supporting us, the fact is that we will be the ones to move our own feet and step on the right places - our lives depend on us doing what we must do. There seems to be much lonliness in this sometimes.  I'm in San Antonio now taking a couple of internships to finish college - I graduate in December. Much love to Jennifer Peel for kicking me in the rear everytime she heard I was slacking =) And everyone else who urged me on to finish what I started. Its hard to believe I put six and a half years into it, but it feels so good to be nearing the close of that chapter. to be continued... | | |
| I just ended things with a girl who I am crazy about. I know that as Psalms says, unless the Lord builds a house, the builders labor in vain. I have been builing a relationship apart from the Lord; I have been laboring in vain. One of my best friends, Ron, is going through a divorce. He was kicked out of his home by his wife. He still loves her. He is devestated. He labored in vain too. As I have sought to bring hope and life to Ron in conversation and as I have heard his cry out for an answer I too have wondered if I could endure heartache such as his. This present heartache for me is the greatest heartache I have ever had to endure. My mom described her recovery from divorce as a process where she did not look Jesus in the face or hold him by the hand; no she was totally on her face, broken, holding onto the feet of Jesus. As life pulled on her and heartache bombarded her soul she simply held on to the feet of Jesus. This is the hope for Ron, me, my mom, you who may be struggling to find your freedom or your life in him: abide in him. John 15. He is the true vine. A suffering soul is a starving soul - one that needs nutrients and health - which come from an abiding relationship with Christ. The past few weeks I have learned a lot from Ron as I have allowed God to speak through me to him (for what wisdom do I being 23, have for a 46 year-old man who is in a different stage of life). Tonight God has set me free. Abide in me. "How do I do that?" asks Ron. Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek me and find me when you seek for me with all your heart." We will recieve all the goodness and nutrition we need when we get connected to God through Christ. This connection will be established when we seek him wholeheartedly. If that be Bible study, prayer, fellowship, a walk in the park, fasting, meditation; but whatever we do, God requires wholehearted pursuit. HOW DO I SURVIVE THIS PRESENT SUFFERING??? Go to the God who reigns over everything (including your present suffering) and abide. He will take care of you in His infinite wisdom and mercy. | | |
| Its been too long since I simply sat at His feet and enjoyed the breeze of the Holy Spirit.
I am behind in school because my classes are more demanding. I am behind in school because this always-full-plate of mine has gotten a little heavy. I am behind in classes because my excuses are stronger than my desire for excellence.
Tonight at FCA Thad Fortune spoke about how we need to remain in Him. We should take pleasure in being with Him. Like sleeping in on Saturday and feeling the warmth of the sheets as the daylight peering through the window and reminds you that your worries cannot harm you while you rest for a change. I used to be that way with Jesus. Not worried about a girl to quench my lonliness, or a friend to ease my boredom, nor some success to chase away insecurities. I would get up and read His word. I loved it. His words came to me and I ate them and they were my delight. I used to be closely grafted to the vine. There seems to be a tear in my branch. Thanks Thad for your challenge tonight.
Father, restore me. May your nutrients flow to me and give me life. You are my portion. You are the true vine. I AM Yours.
Resting in Your arms is where I love to be,
In your warm embrace as You are singing over, singing over me.
You bring me here, You bring me here.
I love Your love!
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| Happy Birthday Mom!
She used to sing "its the most wonderful day... of the year!!" on her birthday. I always thought she confused it with July 23, but I guess when you are old like my mom, you tend to get the first and second most wonderful days of the year mixed up.
Over the past few days I have said and posted impulsive words and thoughts. I have been as stable as Dr. Octopus in Spiderman 2. Last night I talked with a good friend, Deandra Walker, who reminded me of the value of solitude - to think, write, pray, sort through the emotions in your heart. Thanks Dee.
In light of this advice, I have realized a powerful truth. A person can be smart, attractive, "godly," and all those things, BUT lest they love, their value to the kingdom of God is nill. I can know all the scriptures in Greek and Hebrew, speak 5 languages fluently, give to the poor, and even work in a church. But what really makes me like Christ is when I love.
God's ultimate expression of who he is came in the form of love. Grace, mercy, forgiveness, all find their origin in God's love. Because we are a part of God's creation, he loves us. More than we could know - Dont let this get to your head, for God is no respector of persons. Jesus came to redeem mankind, not you. You are included in mankind, yet you are NOT the essense of mankind, nor are you the object of some special love from God. He gives his love to all without showing partiality. Not to poor. Not to rich. Not to black. Not to white. Not to hispanic. Not to clergy. Not to layity. God DOES NOT show favor to one group over another.
In light of this truth, I may not refuse God's love to anyone - those who love me or hate me or abuse and mistreat me - though I may exert wisdom in choosing who to spend most of my time with, I will and can not refuse God's love to anyone.
Love one another. By this will all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one for another.
Love one another. Love one another. Love one another.
I love you with the love of God.
-cole
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| I fell in love with a girl. She said she loved me. She was really still in love with her ex. And I could not take his place, for they were great together. I fell in love. I wrote love songs. Melodies were written in my heart.
How foolish and heartbroken I am as I try to sleep tonight.
I guess the Bible is right: Hope rejected makes the heart sick. My hope was rejected. I ... was rejected. And though it was probably for the best, my heart aches to be rid of the longing for this girl.
Oh that I lived out the song of Solomon: Do not awaken love until the right time. I have woke it up at the wrong time. Go to sleep all my love. Go to sleep.
I'm tired. Please pray that my heart will recover fast - pray for my friend too; her heart is hurting very badly as well. I suppose now we both know the feeling of loving someone and being rejected by that very person. It really stinks.
Thanks be to God my strength, my portion. He is enough for me in this time. He will bind up my broken heart. I pray that any who are in the valley of heartache will find strength, comfort and love in the arms of Jesus. He is the only one who can love us how we need to be loved. Turn to Him to fill your heart.
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